Friday, May 8, 2009

Friday Fun - Jokes, Links and a Smidgen of News

With all the chaos of the Kentucky Derby behind us and a mini-breather before the Preakness, I thought it might be fun to ease into the weekend with a few racing funnies followed by an A-Z tour of the racing Internet.

If you really must have one official line of racing "news" then how about this nugget gleaned from Peter Gross's blog:

Rachel Alexandra to the Preakness + Calvin Borel = Mine That Bird + Chantal Sutherland?

I'm not sure any jockey would step off a Derby winner though every handicapper from here to Yakima and back would certainly choose Rachel Alexandra.

On to the fun!

Here's a one-liner we can all relate to:

The long shot I bet on was so slow that he went off at 20 to one and came home at a quarter after two.

We all have to go sometime and when I go I hope this is how it happens:

A man celebrating his 99th birthday goes to the track and plays a 9-9 daily double. The 9-horse in the first race, an impossible 43-1 long shot, takes a five-length lead around the final turn but begins faltering in the stretch. The favorite closes in the stretch and he and the 9-horse hit the wire together. After an agonizing 10-minute wait, the photo-finish camera shows that the 9-horse held on by a nose, paying $88.00. The excitement is too much for the elderly gentleman who collapses on the clubhouse floor, still clutching his mutual ticket in his hand. A security guard trained in CPR is on the scene immediately, applying his knowledge to try to revive the elderly man. A crowd quickly surrounds the guard and the stricken bettor.
"Is he alive?" asks someone in the crowd.
The guard looks at the man lying on the floor. Then he looks at the mutuel ticket. "Only in the double," he says.

If you've never seen these funny Hollywood Park commercials, they're worth a gander.

If you're heading to Mohawk this evening to watch the Standardbreds, you'll find me somewhere near the paddock with Down The Stretch editor Peter Gross. Come on over and say hello!

And now an A-Z tour of my favourite places to hang out on the web.

The Aspiring Horseplayer - A fun, informative look into the world of horseplay. Er, horseplayers!

Brooklyn Backstretch - Teresa's passionate coverage of the New York racing scene tackles everything from current issues to the history of the game. A must-bookmark site.

Canadian Stable Directory - This fledgling site launched May 1st plans to be the web-based home for all things racing related in Canada.

Down The Stretch - The only newspaper devoted to bringing fans complete coverage of both breeds of major league horse racing.

Equispace - The spaceman brings us detailed thoughts on the racing game including his must-read Kentucky Derby spreadsheet. Geno also mixes in some personality, humour and a little pop-culture to boot.

Foolish Pleasure - No one provides information about the fillies and mares of the game with more passion or detail than Valerie. Not just limited to the ladies, the Foolish Pleasure blog has been known to pick a mean exactor.

Gallop France - The adventures of an American trainer in France. Literally. Valuable insights into race preparation and all the ups and downs that come with getting a horse from barn to gate and back.

HandRide - His tag-line reads, "Dreadful Blogging Since '04." I'd describe it as more of a tongue-in-cheek reality check on the world of racing. A blogger not afraid to write what everyone else is already thinking.

International Federation of Horse Racing Authorities - Where the racing world comes together to ensure safe practice for breeding, racing and all the players therein.

Jessica Chapel - This rail bird packs a lot of punch into a few short bursts of prose. When Jessica posts her well-spotted links, it pretty much shuts down my work day. Click the "links" link and see for yourself.

Kei Blog - An American girl studying the racing business in Japan takes you on a tour through a series of incredible photography. If you miss the days of crowded grandstands and screaming punters, then look no further.

LongRun Thoroughbred Retirement Society - The hard-working family that is the Woodbine thoroughbred community put together the LongRun program to assist retired equine athletes from Woodbine and Fort Erie. Their site contains video, photography and information on how to adopt a horse.

Mary Forney - The most complete blog on the California racing scene. From backstretch to grandstand, Mary has covered all the bases.

Not By A Long Shot - If you haven't read this T.D Thornton novel reporting on a season of racing at Suffolk Downs, then you're not a real racing fan!

Ontario Standardbred Adoption Society - OSAS was founded in 1996 to assist in the adoption and relocation of retired and non-racing Standardbred horses within Ontario. The website features photos, videos and a social calendar of horse-related events to fill your summer!

Paulick Report - Live blogging, aggregated racing stories and feature articles tackling all the tough issues. One-stop shopping for racing fans.

Quinella Queen - The official librarian of the racing blogosphere.

Raceday360 - All the racing news that's fit to aggregate!

Superfecta Blog - As the tag-line says, "Being the musings of a life-long horse racing fan with too many advanced degrees."

Thorough-Blog - Jennifer Morrison is Woodbine's official track handicapper. Jennifer has contributed stories to countless publications but most know her from her hard-hitting work with the Toronto Star. Her recent coverage of horses rescued from Ernie Paragallo finding a new Canadian home was exquisite.

UK Racing Post - All the latest racing news from the UK.

VTA Blog - Insight into the world of Virginia thoroughbreds.

Woodbine Entertainment Group - The official website of Woodbine Racetrack. Where Kentucky Derby Champions are developed!

eXactor Betting courtesy of Horse Hats! - On this site you'll find a wide range of fashionable horse racing accessories. I've purchased both the Big Brown and Sunday Silence hats from this awesome site. While you're shopping, check out some fresh racing tips, straight from Kentucky.

Youtube - PartyManners - Every race you've ever wanted to watch and more compiled at one spot on the PartyManners Youtube page.

Zayat Stables - Top of "Z" chain when it comes to stakes racing!

Enjoy your weekend everyone. I'll be posting again with photos and more from Mohawk over the weekend.


Jessica said...

Keith, you're the best! Thanks for the compliments and the links.

Kevin Stafford said...

Fantastic! I can't believe I've managed to miss those HP commercials on youtube all this time. I must be slipping in my middle age. :-)

Thanks for the link as well, Keith. I actually really did "LOL" at the "horseplay er...horseplayers" statement. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hi Keith! I should be at Mohawk near the 23rd of May and would like to meet you! Thanks for a great blog!

Claudette :)

Keith-TripleDeadHeat said...

thanks for reading everyone! it's nice to sit back and just have a laugh every once in a while!

Anonymous said...

Hi, Keith. Very sophisticated blog! More like a pro web site. How long has this been up? I have more learning to do to use all the options. Never seems to be enough time. Keep up the good work. I will definitely check back from time to time. Sasscer Hill.